


touching me, touching you

by crispierchip



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Awkward Blow Jobs, First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 18:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18372053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crispierchip/pseuds/crispierchip
Summary: EJ’s got game.





	touching me, touching you

**Author's Note:**

> are u looking for overwritten porn with a side of emotional constipation?? you've clicked on the right fic then!! jk there's also some sap thrown in there :D
> 
> title from sweet caroline.

EJ’s got game.

This is a well known fact amongst the team. It doesn’t seem to matter whether or not he’s got his teeth in, or if he’s dressed to the nines or like a slob, he has a way with women. Nate isn’t sure what it’s about. He thinks maybe the height — EJ is really tall, after all — or maybe the hair; he’s got nice hair.

Okay so maybe Nate does know what it’s about. Sue him.

But none of this matters. It’s all besides Nate’s point, which is that his own failures become that much more apparent when compared to EJ’s _skillz_ , or whatever Gabe calls it. Which is what happens tonight, after Nate strikes out. Twice.

“No dice?” Gabe comes to throw an arm over Nate’s shoulder, pulling him out of his slouch.

Nate shakes his head. He tries not to be grumpy about it because it’s honestly not that big of a deal, except for how he keeps striking out ever since Sally broke up with him, and, well, that kind of stings.

“Maybe you need a different approach,” Gabe says. He sounds thoughtful, and when Nate turns to look at him he has this look on his face like he’s coming up with a plan. Now, Nate isn’t a fan of Gabe’s plans on a regular day so he’s pretty sure he's going to loathe this one.

“No,” he says preemptively, shrugging gabe’s hand off him.

Gabe hums, ignoring Nate completely. Then his eyes widen and a smile spreads across his face. “Maybe what you really need is a wingman,” he says. It’s pretty clear from the tone of his voice that he thinks he’s just come up with the greatest idea of all time, and honestly Nate doesn’t think that kind of enthusiasm is necessary.

He takes a step back, repeats himself. “ _No_.” It’s louder this time, but Nate really doesn’t need Gabe, or Tyson — or anyone really — embarrassing him like that.

Gabe pays Nate no mind. He gestures to someone across the bar, and Nate panics for a moment that this is Gabe’s idea of winging for him before he realizes Gabe’s looking at EJ of all people.

EJ’s chatting with a woman, saying something that makes her laugh, lean into him. She has short, jet black hair and red lipstick on, and even from across the room Nate can tell she’s pretty. And of course, to make matter worse, she’s the one who spots Gabe first.

She touches EJ’s elbow and nods toward Gabe. EJ leans in again — Nate thinks he’s kissing her cheek but can’t be sure — and then starts making his way to Nate and Gabe. He hasn’t even reached the table when Gabe says, “Nate needs you to he his wingman.” He’s loud about it, and Nate is just thankful the JT and Josty are on the other side of the room messing with the jukebox like they’ve never seen one.

EJ’s eyebrows shoot up and he’s grinning with his front teeth missing. Nate looks at him and has no idea how he makes it all work for him so easily. “Is that so?” It’s less of a question and more of a thought. Nate can practically see the wheels turning in EJ’s head.

This is how Nate ends up practically walking into the trheesome proposition. EJ and he walk back to the woman EJ was talking to before, start talking about nothing until Andy — that’s her name — decides she’s gotten bored.

She drags her eyes down Nate’s body, then back up again. “You’re rather beefy,” she says.

Nate has no idea how to respond to that without coming off as extremely awkward so he just says, “Thank you?” It comes out as more of a question rather than a statement, but Andy laughs, bright and loud, so Nate guesses that didn’t go too bad.

“So,” Andy goes on, undeterred. “What are you boys up to tonight?” She’s looking at EJ mostly, smiling slightly, and EJ holds her gaze, this expression on his face that Nate can’t really parse out.

Then  EJ says, “We’re open to suggestions,” and Nate gets a very vivid image of where this is going. He can feel his eyes widen before he gets his eyelids under control, and then takes a moment to be thankful that he doesn’t have any beer in his mouth because he'd surely be choking on it right about now.

Andy hums. She seems to think it over. “I’ve got an empty place and a king size bed,” she suggests. She finally turns to Nate, takes a step closer to him until they’re practically pressed together.

Nate can feel Andy’s body heat, and he reaches out to place a tentative hand on her hip. She leans into it but turns back to EJ. “Bet you and your beefy friend would look pretty good in it,” she says, which is as clear an invitation as Nate’s ever gotten for a threesome.

EJ smiles. It’s wide and — it looks hot, makes his whole face look hot. Nate has made it a rule not to think about his teammates like that but it’s hard to stick to it when EJ wraps his lips around his beer bottle, throat working as he swallows.

It’s even harder when he meets Nate's eyes, a silent question, and Nate’s never had a threesome before but he thinks 23 is not too old to try. He nods, a small thing, and EJ turns back to Andy. “Could be arranged, I think.”

+

Andy’s king sized bed, as it turns out, is pretty nice. Nate discovers this as he grinds against it while eating her out. Andy looks pretty into it, back arched and legs shaking on Nate’s shoulders. She keeps shuddering as Nate sucks on her clit, then pushes her pussy into Nate’s face as he fucks his tongue inside her as deep as he can, then his fingers, too.

Nate thinks, if EJ weren’t kissing her, she’d make noise too. She still is, but it’s choked off, muffled into EJ’s mouth. Nate tunes into it anyway, works his tongue and his mouth until she’s quivering all over and being loud, pulling away from EJ’s mouth to moan into her hand.

Nate finds that hot so he keeps at it, licking into her until she comes and then some, while he comes down from it. He doesn’t stop until she almost knees him in the head, too sensitive.

“You’re fucking good at that,” she says. She sounds out of breath, voice cracking over the last part as EJ palms her tit.

Nate sits back, wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. His lips feel swollen and red and he doesn’t miss the way Andy’s looking at them. “Thanks,” he says. He can feel his face heat the longer she looks at him but doesn’t turn away.

“You should fuck me now,” Andy says. She sounds very confident and Nate likes that.

His eyes still widen when she rolls over, on her hands and knees, back arched as she kisses her way down EJ’s stomach. EJ threads his fingers through her hair and pulls it out of her face, doesn’t even look away from her as he tells Nate, “You heard her.”

Nate is stuck for a moment, looking at Andy’s ass and her waist and the EJ’s flushed chest; the way his eyes flutter shut as she takes him into his mouth. Then Nate realizes he’s staring and grabs a condom from the bedside table where Andy left them, rolls it on.

Andy makes this sound as he slips into her, long and deep, a moan that Nate wants to hear clearly but also not because it sounds even hotter with EJ’s dick in her mouth. Nate starts to move, slow because all this has gotten him close, and Andy keeps moaning, growing louder as Nate moves faster.

EJ comes first, spilling on his stomach, and Nate is stuck staring at how his face scrunches up. He looks away when he catches himself, slows down. Waits for Andy to roll over, onto her back, and for EJ to lay down next to her. The two of them kiss, and it’s hot, Nate thinks, really hot, but even hotter is the way Andy wraps her legs around Nate, guides him back inside her.

Nate starts moving again, tries not to jerk when EJ reaches down to work Andy’s clit. EJs’ very careful not to touch Nate — that’s what it feels like at least —  and Nate doesn’t know what to do with that so he doesn't think about it.

Nate can feel when Andy comes again because she gets really tight around him, and he can hear it too, in the quiet noise she makes. He’s pretty close, so he makes to pull out, but Andy wraps her legs around him and pulls him in, makes him get back into it.

“I’m gonna,” he says, after not two minutes, and Andy presses her nails into his hip, tries to pull him deeper while Nate is as deep as he can get. That’s what tips Nate over the edge, has his hips stuttering before he comes.

Nate pulls out after, moving to lie on the bed on Andy’s other side. She turns her head towards him after a moment, and her lips are really red, probably from EJ’s mouth and his dick. Nate leans in to kiss her.

It’s a good night, overall.

+

Nate worries, the next morning. He thinks it’s going to be awkward now. He hasn’t had sex with a teammate before, not since Jo, and that got pretty fucking awkward near the end. Though, Nate supposes, EJ and he didn’t _actually_ have sex; they never even touched, and Nate should know — he spent long enough looking at EJ to know, it feels like.

So, a threesome doesn’t count, is the very mature conclusion Nate comes to. It turns out to be a good conclusion too, because Nate and Tyson run into EJ in the parking lot the next day before practice, and EJ is the same as ever. He slings one arm over Tyson’s shoulders and the other over Nate’s, pulling them in excitedly.

Nate has this moment where his breath cuts out, but then he’s shrugging EJ’s arm off because Tyson did too and Nate not doing so would be weird.

“Cut it out, asshole,” Tyson mutters, when EJ tries to get him into a headlock.

EJ’s smiling widely, chasing Tyson for a moment before he gets bored of it. It’s cold out so EJ’s bundled up and his cheeks are red, his lisp a little chapped. Nate looks at them and thinks about last, EJ’s lips on Andy.

Tyson jogs away from EJ and his antics, and EJ turns to nate. He has this look on his face like, _look at this idiot_. Nate kind of wishes he had a mirror.

+

EJ is a creature of habit, Nate knows. He thinks that’s what happens when you get old, so he’s not surprised when they fall into it again. He _is_ surprised when he doesn’t decline EJ’s offer, but that’s mostly at himself, and, anyway, last time was hot, maybe this time will be hotter.

This is Nate’s reasoning, at least, and it seems to be spot on.

Her name is Carrie and she has long hair, longer than Andy. It falls all over her face as EJ fucks her from behind and Nate has to pull it back to see what she looks like: lips parted, eyes shut; like EJ’s dick feels really good inside her.

Nate pulls her up and kisses her, eyes closed until they’re not anymore. Nate looks at EJ, or, he glances at him, too scared to really _look_. It doesn’t seem to matter. EJ’s looking down, down at Carrie’s ass, probably, or his dick pushing in and out of her, so Nate lets his eyes roam. Roam to EJ’s arms, holding onto Carrie’s sides, and his abs, working as he moves. His shoulders, wide and strong, and feels his mouth abruptly go dry.

EJ looks up, and it’s only for a moment but still long enough to see Nate looking, more than long enough to lock eyes with him. Then EJ looks away, thrusts into Carrie hard enough to have her moaning in Nate’s mouth. Nate presses a hand against his hard dick and tries not to come too fast.

+

After, in the Uber on their way back, Nate’s head is spinning. He keeps thinking about EJ in various positions, and he thinks about EJ fucking into Carrie and Carrie leaning into Nate, but more than anything, Nate thinks about how EJ caught him looking.

Nate is not sure if that qualifies as weird; creepy. Gay, or whatever. This was only his second threesome and he doesn’t know what’s allowed. But EJ still hasn't run for the hills, and he’s in this Uber with Nate, so Nate probably didn’t screw up too badly.

EJ even says, “That was fun,” out of nowhere.

Nate thinks it’s because he doesn’t like silence; he’s always making some joke to fill it up but this doesn’t sound like a joke. He turns to him, just for a second. EJ is looking down at his phone. “Sure,” Nate says, a second too late.

Then, because he feels daring — and maybe having two hot back to back threesomes with a  teammate does that to you — he says, “We should try that again.”

Nate’s looking down at his phone too, but he can see EJ smile, from the corner of his eye. “Definitely,” he says. He slaps Nate’s leg on his way out of the Uber because his house is first in their way, and it’s a little high, a little on Nate's thigh. “Have a good night, man,” he says.

Nate smiles at EJ and once EJ is out of the car he looks down at his leg. It stings where EJ slapped it, even though his hand didn’t even come down that hard. EJ’s always seemed to have this effect on Nate, like he barely makes an effort and Nate is lost on him. It’s pretty rough.

+

Tyson bought a karaoke machine a little while ago, and he hasn’t gotten to use it. He whines enough in the groupchat about it that eventually the guys give in and agree to a karaoke night, though it doesn’t even take that much convincing.

Nate gets there early to help Tyson set it up, which proves more difficult than Nate had thought. They’ve been on Tyson’s floor for a good twenty minutes trying to get the sound system to work when Tyson says, “So, you and EJ.”

Nate had seen this coming, which is how he doesn’t bang his face into the TV shelf trying to get up. “Me and EJ,” he repeats, very serious.

Tyson slaps Nate’s ankle.

“Hey,” Nate says. “I’m fixing your karaoke here, do you want me to get electrocuted?” he asks.

Nate is half unde under the TV shelf but he still looks up enough to catch Tyson’s eyeroll. “How? With an HDMI cable?” he saks.

Nate huffs and tries to find the correct input port on Tyson’s filthy floor. Tyson slaps him again. “Dude,” he says, starting to get riled up now.

“I’m just saying,” Tyson starts, putting his hands up. “Threesomes?”

Nate shrugs even though Tyson can’t see it. “The girls are hot,” he says. It comes out higher pitched than he’d meant, a little defensive.

“And EJ?” Tyson presses.

 _EJ is off limits_ , Nate thinks and doesn’t say. Instead, he kicks at Tyson. “Quit gossiping and start helping.”

Tyson huffs but points his phone light to where Nate is working. “I’m not gossiping,” he goes on. God, Nate can’t catch a break. “I’m just… worried, you know. Friends do that sometimes,” Tyson says. He sounds genuine and mushy and Nate hates every second of it.

“Jesus,” he says.

“Best friends worry even more, you know,” Tyson continues. “You really shouldn't let me worry like this, it’s not good for the heart.”

Nate finally finds the HDMI input and shoves the cable in, a bit more harshly than necessary. “You’re twenty-seven,” he says, pushing Tyson’s phone out of his face.

“You need to start early with these things,” Tyson argues. “With matters of the heart, I mean.” He waggles his eyebrows at Nate.

Nate hates every second of this. He should have just let Tyson put the karaoke together himself, he thinks, and then says as much to Tyson before sitting up.

“You know I suck at these things,” Tyson points out, which has Nate wondering out loud what he doesn’t suck at. “Hey, stop being grumpy just because I tried to get you to talk about your feelings.”

Nate sighs. He supposes that’s a good point. “Sorry,” he says, still a little grumbly. “But there’s nothing going on between me and EJ,” he admits. “Just hot sex, I swear.”

Tyson narrows his eyes at him but seems to take that for what it is: the truth. He doesn’t even ask Nate if he’d like there to be, which Nate appreciates more than Tyson probably knows.

+

There are drinks and a karaoke machine, so the evening turns fun pretty soon. JT and Josty goad Gabe into going first since as team captain, and he chooses some Backstreet Boys monstrosity that hurts Nate's ears, to be honest.

Gabe decides that since he’s the captain he gets to decide the order after that, and makes JT and Josty sing a duet. But Josty is flushed all the way to his ears and laughing too hard to really get the lyrics out and JT tries but he’s tipsy and mixes up the lyrics because he’s getting too flustered so it’s a lost cause.

They guys take turns after that, until EJ sits up and proclaims, “Shut up, it’s my turn,” after Kerfy and Colin have finished butchering some Salt-N-Pepa song. He sits up and takes the mic from Colin’s hands before telling Tyson to, “Drop the beats,” which is a weird thing to say before starting to sing _Sweet Caroline_ but Nate likes EJ’s brand of weird.

EJ starts off serious, but obviously doesn't stay that way for very long. He starts dancing with Gabe on the first chorus, some type of slow, made up waltz, and then catches Nate looking at him.

Nate has no idea what EJ sees on his face; maybe panic, maybe jealousy, whatever it is it has him letting go of Gabe to stand in front of nate. Everyone's goading EJ on, whistling and hollering and EJ is just looking down at Nate. Nate is caught, can't look away.

“ _Who'd have believed you'd come along,_ ” EJ sings. He plops down onto Nate’s lap, and Nate is acutely aware that this is the most they’ve touched in a while. He holds his breath for a moment, but EJ doesn't seem to mind the contact, so he lets it go all in a rush.

“ _Hands,_ ” EJ sings, long and drawn out. “ _Touching hands._ ” He reaches out and links their fingers together and Nate knows, he knows, this is just EJ being EJ. His palms still sweat.

“ _Reaching out,_ ” EJ continues. He leans back a little into Nate and sings, “ _Touching me, touching you._ ” He's smiling, wide and not enough teeth, and for a second Nate feels like it's just the two of them and EJ singing to him.

Then EJ pushes his hand into Nate’s face and hops off his lap, goes to dance with Tyson, and Nate feels a bunch of rocks land in the pit of his stomach. Just EJ being EJ.

+

The third time it happens, it’s Nate being Nate. The girl’s name is Lily, and Nate watches as EJ fucks her, jerks himself off in time with EJ’s hips. He kisses her too and she has nice lips, pretty enough that Nate wonders what they would feel like around his dick. He doesn’t get to find out.

EJ fucks her hard, the muffled sounds Lily makes into Nate’s mouth egging him on. His hand is between Lily’s legs, working to get her off, and Nate looks at that but also looks at EJ’s fingers, long and rough to the touch, Nate remembers. He looks at EJ’s chest, too, how it’s flushed and growing redder, and Nate feels — daring.

Daring enough to move his eyes up EJ’s chest to his throat and then some. His mouth, red, a little swollen from Lily’s teeth. And Nate feels hot too, hot enough that it gives him the courage he needs to fully look up, try to find EJ’s eyes.

Nate is sure EJ can feel his gaze but he keeps looking down, two or three stray strands of hair falling in his face. Then Lily says, “Is that all you got?” all out of breath but goading enough to have EJ fucking her harder. Have him looking at her, hey eyes, and then at Nate.

Nate, more than anything, wants to look away. He thinks this is crossing a line and while Nate wants to cross it, he has no idea what comes after. But Nate feels caught now, anyway, can’t tear his eyes away from EJ’s to save his life, so he guesses the choice is made for him.

They keep looking at each other but Nate can feel it when Lily starts to shake, and he can hear her getting closer in the choked off sounds she makes, desperate. When she comes, EJ slows down, and Nate looks away from him just long enough to kiss her. When he sits back up EJ is still looking at him. He’s pulled out now, is jerking himself off.

“Come on me,” Lily says, sitting up, and EJ stripes her tits. It’s really fucking hot.

It also gives Nate the courage he needs to touch EJ, even if it’s only to shove him out of the way so he can kneel between Lily’s legs. He pushes his face into her skin and kisses her thighs, licks his way to her pussy.

EJ used a condom, but it’s the thought that’s doing it for Nate, that he’s eating her out after EJ just fucked her. Nate gives it everything he has, tongue, suction, fingers, uses his best tricks and curves his fingers in all the right ways to have her quivering, hands fisted around her sheets.

EJ is next to her, touching her all over, but he’s still looking at Nate, and Nate has trouble figuring what EJ’s thinking on the best of days so he has no fucking clue now. Turns out, he doesn’t need to either.

Nate leans back a little to catch his breath but keeps fingering Lily, and she makes this sound, so loud, before squirting all over Nate’s chest, his chin and some of his face. Nate closes his eyes on instinct. It’s easily top 4 hottest things to ever happen to him.  

Nate wipes a hand over his face, and when he opens his eyes, EJ is still watching him. Nate suspects he found it pretty hot, too.

+

Nate thinks the last time was hot enough that it would happen again. It doesn’t.

Nate knows he pushed EJ, jabbed at what EJ was comfortable with, but he doesn’t think he took it too far. If the way EJ was looking at him was any indication, Nate tinks maybe he didn’t take it far enough.

But then they go out and EJ doesn’t ask Nate if he needs a wingman, just walks up to a girl and starts talking to her. Nate —  he feels his stomach get all twisted at that, as if he doesn’t like it, which — he doesn’t.

Nate doesn’t like it enough that he walks up to EJ when EJ’s at the bar fetching drinks for him and the girl. He doesn’t like it enough that he says, “Need a wingman,” without really thinking about it, except to know that that’s not what he means at all.

EJ looks at him, and Nate thinks he can tell. There is something in the way his lips part and stay like that that gives it away. Still, he is quiet long enough for Nate’s heart to rise to his throat, take up residence there and make him feel like a gigantic idiot.

He’s about ready to walk away when EJ moves his lips, like he wants to say something but nothing is coming out. Nate can relate. He looks at EJ and tries to seem, like, welcoming. Encouraging. Anything that won’t have EJ backing out.

Then EJ takes a breath, and for a moment he looks so confident. He says, “I’m open to suggestions,” mirroring that first night, and Nate doesn’t know if this is just something he says in these situations or if he’s choosing his words on purpose, but he falls for it anyway.

+

Nate’s heart still hasn’t climbed down from his throat when he unlocks the door to his house. In fact, it feels higher than even, like it’s about to choke him any minute now. It makes him sound all flustered when he asks EJ even if he wants water or something, which is frankly embarrassing.

“Nah, I’m good,” EJ says. He toes off his shoes and follows nate to the kitchen.

Nate shrugs, tense, and turns around to get some for himself, gulping it down like his life depends on it. When he’s done he turns to EJ, and he’s expecting… he’s not sure what. He’s expecting to some of EJ’s easy confidence, but EJ has this pinched look on his face, brows drawn together and lips tight. When Nate meets his eyes, EJ looks like a fish out of water.

In that moment, Nate realizes EJ has a ton of game with women, but probably very little with men. Nate thinks he’s pretty stupid for not piecing that together sooner, though he’s not sure if it would change anything. Nate wants EJ, and right now he can’t think of a good reason not to have him.

He takes a step closer, then another one. Gives EJ time to back out. EJ doesn’t. His breath leaves him all in a rush when Nate takes the last step towards him, close enough that their chests almost touch.  

Nate has to look up and EJ has to look down, but it works. Nate feels EJ jump when he puts a hand on his neck, but he doesn’t take it away. EJ leans into it, anyway, after a second or two, so Nate doesn’t think EJ would want him to.

They’re looking at each other, but Nate glances down at EJ’s lips, hears EJ’s breath catch, just a bit, when he realizes. Nate isn’t sure where to go after this, or he is, he’s just too chicken for it. He takes a breath. Leans in, a little but not enough.

Chokes on his breath when he feels EJ’s lips against his own, a hard press because EJ probably miscalculated how far they were. Holds it for three seconds that he counts and that EJ stays there for. Releases it when he feels EJ try to get closer, hands settling on Nate’s hips while they breathe together.

It’s not fireworks. It’s kind of awkward if anything because neither of them is moving or doing anything at all, and then Nate decides _fuck it_ t and parts his lips, pushes closer to EJ. That seems to do it for EJ. He kisses Nate for real, fingers pressing into Nate’s hips, tongue tracing Nate’s lips, and it _is_ fireworks now, or as close as Nate’s ever felt.

They kiss for a while, or what feels like a while. When they part, Nate’s lips feel tender and EJ’s look it, red and a little puffy. They’re both breathing a little harder then before, and EJ’s eyes are hazy, set on Nate.

“Bedroom?” Nate suggests. His voice is quiet but he thinks that’s better.

EJ nods, an easy thing, and falls into step behind Nate. Nate isn’t sure if EJ’s ever been to his bedroom before, but he doesn’t stop to inspect it. As soon as they’re in inside his hands are on Nate again, on his hips and his sides and his face, like — like he maybe can’t get enough.

Nate gets a little lost in it, enough that he’s surprised when he feels the back of his knees hit the bed. He pauses then, just for a moment, long enough to meet EJ’s eyes. EJ looks at him, and then he pushes Nate back until he’s lying on the bed before climbing on top of him.

EJ’s strong, Nate has seen him in the gym, but it’s different to be able to wrap his hands around EJ’s arms and _feel_ it. EJ seems into it. He tenses his muscles and kisses Nate hard while Nate’s nails dig into his skin. This figures, Nate thinks; EJ is kind of a show off.

The thought makes Nate laugh, which has EJ frowning at him, but Nate doesn’t let either of them dwell on it. He threads his fingers through EJ’s really good hear and pulls him down, bringing their lips together.

Their legs are more or less tangled together like this, so Nate feels it when EJ starts to get hard, lets out a breath because he thought — he doesn’t know what he thought, really. It’s a relief anyway.

Like this, Nate can also feel EJ start to grind down, and that helps even more. It puts wherever doubt he had at bay, has him wrapping his legs around EJ a little better, until they can find rhythm between them. It’s not gonna get them there — too many clothes and not enough friction —  but they stay like that for a while, until it starts to chafe pretty bad.

“I —” EJ cuts himself off. Nate is almost afraid of what he’s going to say, and he half braces himself for it, but still says, “Yeah, anything,” because this is EJ.

EJ relaxes, shoulders dropping with his gaze. “I really want to blow you,” he says. He chuckles after, a little disbelieving, and Nate breathes out.

“I really want you to blow me,” he says, smiling.

EJ looks up, meets his eyes and laughs, and it’s easy. He pushes Nate further up the bed, makes space of himself between Nate’s legs and Nate lets him. He pushes his fingers through EJ’s hair and leaves them there as EJ moves down the bed.

EJ pauses for a moment, eye level with Nate's hard dick, and Nate strokes EJ’s ear with his thumb, waits him out. Then EJ’s hands are on Nate’s belt and Nate lifts his hips so EJ can rid him of both his pants and boxers. Nate is looking down the whole time, so he sees EJ’s hesitation.

“You don't have to,” he says, and knows, he _knows_ , as soon as the words are out, that he fucked up.

EJ and his approximately two hundred competitive bones give Nate this look, nearly an eyeroll. Nate wants to backtrack, he feels like he needs to, but EJ’s lips are one him before he can utter a single word except this drawn out, “Fuck.”

It starts out okay —  good, even, because this is EJ and Nate likes EJ but it’s not —  it’s just a little awkward. EJ has his eyes closed, which Nate doesn’t mind, but he’s —  there’s a lot of teeth involved in the whole process, enough to have Nate’s stomach going tight as he tries not to make a sound, any sound that would discourage EJ.

EJ’s mouth is wet, of course it is, but he’s mostly licking at Nate’s dick rather than sucking, which combined with the teeth isn’t a great sensation. The room is really quiet, too, Nate notices, which sort of takes him out of it, enough so that he starts going soft, much to his embarrassment.

Nate thinks he can tough it out at first. He tries to will his dick back to into an erection but that’s not working, and then he’s just praying EJ won’t realize even though Nate’s dick is in his mouth and that would be damn near impossible.

Still, EJ keeps going. He’s trying, and Nate just thinks if he could get his dick to cooperate then this would all be way better, but he can’t seem to able to. He sighs, takes his hand out of EJ’s hair, and that’s when EJ stops. He sits back, and his face looks really red. He won’t meet Nate’s eyes.

“No good?” he just says. EJ’s still dressed, Nate notices, and thinks they went about this all wrong.

 _Fuck_. Nate tries to think of something fast, he’s good at that, but he comes up short this time. “I had a lot to drink,” he says, when EJ still won’t look at him.

It comes out convincing, Nate thinks, but EJ just huffs. “Man,” he says, “Don’t lie.” He sounds very serious. “It sucked.”

Nate can’t help it. He thinks it’s the awkwardness of the situation combined with the fact that he’s dick out right now. He snickers.

EJ rolls his eyes. He reaches for one of the pillows and throws it at Nate. “What are you, twelve?”

“Hey!” Nate catches the pillow and throws it aside. He’s still naked, and EJ doesn’t look quite so ready to bolt right now, so he takes the time to pull his pants back on.

EJ still won’t look at him though, so it wasn’t Nate’s nakedness that was bothering him. Nate kind of wishes it were; it’d be easier, at least.

He looks for something to say, kind of desperately, and then EJ is sitting up, opening his mouth, so Nate blurts out, “For how many teeth you have missing, you sure know how to use the rest,” real fast.

At first he’s worried he’s fucked up again, because EJ just stands there, eyes wide. Then he bursts out laughing and Nate’s whole body relaxes. “You’re such a shit,” EJ tells him.

He throws another pillow at him, and Nate can’t let it go unanswered a second time.  He grabs one of the heavier pillows from the top of the bed and throws it at EJ, and it pretty much gets worse from there.

They’re both flustered by the time they run out of pillows. Nate looks at his floor and his bed, both covered in feathers, and he doesn’t think these pillows were cheap, but he looks at EJ’s face, red and relaxed, and decides the pillows were a necessary casualty.

It’s probably not a great conclusion to come to, especially because EJ says he’ll have to leave now, but Nate — he’s not quite as terrified of that truth as he thought he’d be. Still he asks, “Are we… good?” right before EJ steps out because he can’t help himself.

EJ smiles, small but there. “Sure, buddy.”

+

Nate isn’t sure where they stand now. EJ doesn’t come home with him again, and it’s been three weeks, so Nate doesn’t think he’ll be coming again. He wonders if the _sure, buddy_ was EJ’s idea of a friendzone. It could be, he decides, although with EJ he’s never sure.

Nate wonders if he pushed too hard, if he finally found EJ’s breaking point. Then Nate decides that maybe he was wrong from the start, maybe EJ wasn’t even into him. It sounds reasonable enough, and Nate convinces himself of it.

It all feels like a done deal, honestly, so when EJ approaches Nate a few days later, Nate’s pretty surprised. EJ bumps their shoulders together, hard enough to shove Nate a bit further into the booth, but doesn’t move away after.

“I got you a beer,” he tells Nate, pushing over a bottle. The words come out a little fast, pushed together, and EJ is looking straight ahead, decisively not at Nate.

“Thanks.” Nate’s a little weirded out, honesty. He and EJ have talked since that night and EJ hadn’t been weird about it. Well, not until now anyway.

They sit in silence for a moment, and Nate can feel EJ tapping his foot in time with the music. He can feel how warm he is, too, though he tries not to. He thinks that's what got them here in the first place: Nate noticing things about EJ that he shouldn’t be.

The song changes, twice, and then EJ blurts out. “I’d never —” He cuts himself off before he can say anything that makes sense, but Nate gets the distinct impression that they’re talking about it.

Nate turns to EJ but EJ’s looking at the table, so he bumps their knees together, encouraging, he hopes. His heart is beating in his throat again and he feels awkward sitting there. Hopeful, too.

A different song comes on. “I mean, I’ve known for a while, but it never came up,” EJ finally says. “The bi thing, I mean,” EJ explains, as if Nate hadn’t gotten that like two sentences ago.

Nate’s palms are sweating. EJ still won’t look at him but his face is really red, his lips even worse, like he’s been biting them.

All this time, Nate's been trying to avoid the awkwardness between them as much as he can. He’s not sure for whose benefit that was, but he thinks it did more harm than good. EJ looks downright miserable but he’s still powering through this, and Nate can’t even get his foot out of his mouth long enough to say something.

Nate shakes his head; gets his foot out of his mouth _finally_. “Do you want it to?” he gets out.

EJ breathes out. “I don’t know how it would work,” he says. Nate realizes they’re not really talking about sex.

“I —” he tries, but nothing comes after it. He doesn’t know either, really, and EJ’s words have settled, not quite rejection but not quite not either.

“Besides, the bj sucked pretty bad,” EJ says, before Nate can start to think about it too hard. He laughs, a short, self-deprecating thing, and Nate lets out a breath. They’re back to sex and sex is easier; safer. Sex Nate knows.

“It didn’t,” Nate says. Then, before EJ can argue he adds, “I mean, yeah the technique or whatever was —” He’s not sure how to finish that sentence but EJ came to talk to him. He didn’t have to do that, and Nate may not be good with feelings but he can _try_ , at least.

“There was, uh, room for improvement,” Nate finishes or — starts over. He’s not sure. In either case it’s lame enough to keep him going because honestly Nate wants EJ anyway he can have him. “If that’s, uh, if that’s something you want maybe we could, I mean —”

“Okay,” EJ says, before Nate can make an even bigger fool of himself.

Nate is too busy being relieved at first that EJ has stopped his word vomit to really take in what he said. Then he does and makes a big effort to seem cool. “Yeah?” he still asks, because EJ is getting up, pulling on his coat.

EJ gives Nate a meaningful look and shoves Nate’s jacket in his hands. “Yes,” he says again, at which point Nate catches on. He gets up to follow EJ outside.

+

Nate worries, the whole ride over to his house, about how sure EJ is about this; if he maybe has doubts. Then EJ gently presses Nate against the wall as soon as the door is shut behind them, and that does wonders for Nate’s uncertainty.

EJ starts out slow, and Nate lets him. It reminds him of the first time they kissed but also not, because EJ’s lips feel ungiving against Nate’s, like maybe he’s not about ready to bolt. His hands feel sure, too, on Nate’s sides, and his leg pretty great, when it presses between Nate's.

Nate doesn’t know what to think between all that so he thinks about nothing for what feels the first time in forever. He kisses EJ back and grips his button down to pull him closer, then runs fingers through EJ’s hair when that’s not enough. It’s all messed up, when EJ pulls back, and Nate stares for a moment before leaning up for another kiss.

“Bed?” Nate suggests, after a while, much like he had the first time.

EJ seems thoughtful for a moment, just looking at Nate, and then he nods once. He looks down, and his hand twitches. It’s probably Nate’s empty brain that makes him reach out and take it, but EJ doesn’t move away so he supposes it’s no big deal.

They kiss on the stairs and they kiss on Nate’s bed too, Nate on his elbows and EJ underneath him. Nate vividly remembers all the things that he did wrong last time, so this time he makes sure to be better.

Takes his time kissing EJ, his mouth and his throat and his jaw and wherever he can reach, and once he runs out of places he starts working on the buttons of EJ’s shirt. He keeps looking up at EJ every few seconds like EJ is going to tell him to stop, and each time he finds EJ looking at him with hazy eyes and parted lips like — like maybe he wants this as much as Nate does.

That’s a dangerous train of thought though, so Nate cuts it down right there and drags his lips down EJ’s stomach instead. He feels EJ’s stomach start to tremble the lower he gets, and that’s pretty hot but makes him slow down, too.

“Nate,” EJ says, hardly louder than a breath.

Nate’s hand are on his belt and EJ’s fingers are twisted in the sheets, and Nate pauses.

“I thought you, uh, you were supposed to —” It sounds like EJ’s struggling to put words together, and Nate presses his lips low on EJ’s stomach, right above the waistline of his pants.

“I thought there was room improvement,” EJ manages.

“There is,” Nate says. He kisses EJ’s stomach again, unbuckles his belt. “So pay attention.”

Nate’s looking up at EJ so he gets to see how his eyes widen at that, tongue darting out to wet his lips. “Jesus.” EJ sounds out of breath. He jumps when Nate’s fingers slip into his pants to pull them down but lifts his hips easily, and then he’s naked and Nate can hardly look his fill.

Distantly, he’s always known EJ was attractive. It was hard not to notice with EJ being EJ, loud and laughing and hot and Nate’s wingman too, but it’s different now. Now, all his hot is within Nate’s reach, and Nate’s not about to let it go to waste.

He makes sure to look up as he takes EJ’s dick into his mouth so he doesn’t miss how EJ’s eyes flutter shut, mouth open on something silent. Nate’s good at this, he knows, but the way EJ’s writhing on his bed, legs spread and shaking every time Nate takes him in deep, it makes Nate want to to be better.

He moves his head, slow at first and faster once he gets into it, tongue dragging along EJ’s dick. EJ’s quiet, for the most part, and then Nate puts a hand on his hip and takes him as deep as he can, and he makes this sound, quiet but like it’s being ripped out of him.

Nate likes that. He presses his hips down against the bed and swallows around EJ, does it again until EJ stops keeping quiet. It’s better like that, and then EJ’s hand comes to settle on the side of Nate's face and nae Nate down even harder.

“Nate,” EJ says, just once. He opens his eyes and looks down at Nate, fucked out and — and a bunch of other things that Nate either can’t or doesn’t want to put a name to.

He says, “I’m close,” and Nate sucks him off for a bit longer before pulling away. EJ shivers, moves up on his elbows as Nate kisses his way up his chest. Then his hand is on the back of Nate’s neck, pulling him in until their lips are pressed together.

EJ feels pretty close — his body is taut and arched — so Nate moves a leg between his and grinds against him.  “Your pants,” EJ says, which —

“I’ll have them dry cleaned, shut up.”

EJ laughs at that, but it turns breathy when Nate hitches EJ’s leg up, presses his own hips down. “Nate, fuck,” he says again, and it sounds just as good as the first time. Nate doesn’t know how to get enough of it.

“Come on,” he says. He digs his fingers into EJ’s thigh while EJ rubs off against him, and after a few seconds he feels EJ start to shake before striping Nate's game day suit pants with his come.

Nate kisses him while he comes, his lips and his cheek, but pulls back at the choked off sound EJ makes. He’s looking down between them, and Nate chuckles. “That’s pretty hot,” he says.

EJ laughs in this huffing sort of way, and then he’s rolling Nate over, and that’s pretty hot too. EJ presses his hand against Nate’s crotch and Nate bucks up into it, his hands gripping EJ’s shoulders. He has to let go so he can shrug his shirt off, his pants, too, and then EJ is back between his legs, hands all over Nate’s chest.

“Tell me what you like,” EJ just says.

Nate is about to make some joke about paying attention of all things, but it dies in his throat when EJ wraps a hand around him. “Yeah,” he says instead, watches very carefully as EJ leans in to take him into his mouth because he doesn’t want to forget any of this.

EJ’s more careful of his teeth this time, or maybe Nate’s more turned on, he’s not sure. He just knows EJ’s looking up and Nate can’t look away. The quiet doesn’t bother him this time, maybe because he’s too busy trying not to be too loud. He’s doesn't know why he tries; EJ seems pretty into, and when Nate moans his fingers press into Nate’s hip, so Nate stops being quiet after that.

“Good?” EJ pulls back to ask, a few minutes into it. His voice is rough and wet.

Nate wants to laugh. “You have no idea,” he says, and after that he tunes into it, tells EJ _he feels good_ , _he’s doing good_ , which has EJ flushing this deep, deep red that Nate can’t get enough of.

Nate tells EJ before he comes but EJ just — stays there. He swallows when Nate comes, and then he pulls back. His hair is a mess from Nate's fingers and his lips are red, puffy, and Nate wants to kiss him again so he does.

+

“Was that —”

“Great?” Nate cuts EJ off. “Yeah,” he says. He can’t help how excited it comes out, but EJ smiles.

He’s putting on his shoes in Nate’s hallway, leaning against the wall to ties his laces. His hair is kind of messy even though he tried to fix it in front of the mirror before, and Nate wonders when EJ will stop having this effect on him.

“Good to know,” EJ says. He straightens, reaches for his coat.He’s not looking at Nate as he says, “We could, if you wanted to — there’s probably more things you could show me.”

Nate feels his eyes widen, heart skipping a beat in his chest. If Nate had it his way, they’d be doing this under different circumstances. He still says, “Absolutely.” and fights the urge to ask EJ to stay over.

+

As it turns out, Nate doesn’t get to show EJ anything until a few days later. They’re flying home after a roadie and Nate’s just settling into his seat on the team plane when EJ comes and sits next to him. Nate is kind of surprised — he usually sits with Tyson and EJ with Gabe — but EJ doesn’t even take his coat off.

“Hey, so,” he starts, waiting for Nate to turn to him as if he didn’t already have his attention. “I want to check a new sushi place out, was thinking about tomorrow,” he says. “You in?”

Sushi is Nate’s favorite, and EJ — well, EJ is up there for Nate too. “For sure,” he says.

Which is how the two of them end up at a new sushi place in Denver the next afternoon. It’s kind of awkward at first, but that’s mostly Nate’s doing. He keeps telling himself that this is not a date or anything of the sort and then jumps each time his and EJ’s feet touch under the table. It’s pretty brutal.

Then EJ says, “Cut it out,” and takes one of Nate’s legs between his own to still him.

Nate — his breath kind of cuts out for a moment, heart going off the rails in his chest. EJ’s smiling at him, eyes crinkling at the corners, and Nate is stuck staring.

Nate is still staring, by the time the waitress brings them their food, and then he looks away only so he can use his chopsticks. Between the two of them, they wolf down almost the whole food too soon.

There’s just one sashimi roll left, and Nate thinks about them leaving, finds himself blurting out, “Movie?” and then, “My place,” because he already went out and said it.

EJ shrugs. “Sure,” he says, smiling. He lets Nate have the last sashimi roll.

They end up starting the new season of Brooklyn 99 instead of a movie. Nate’s couch is pretty big but they’re three episodes into it when they start drifting closer. Nate isn’t sure who starts first, but by the fifth episode their shoulders are touching and their legs too and Nate can feel EJ breathe.

Nate is too aware of it, and too aware of all the places they’re touching, and he doesn’t allow himself to overthink it before turning and kissing EJ. EJ makes a surprised sound into his mouth but kisses back, hand coming to settle on the side of Nate’s face, pulling him closer.

Nate’s a little twisted, and his neck starts to bother him after a few minutes. He pulls back for a minute to stretch it and then EJ is straddling him, his freakishly long legs on either side of Nate’s thighs, knees pressed into the couch.

He settles his weight on Nate slowly, then more surely once Nate leans up to kiss him. His hands move to EJ’s hips, holding him there, and EJ’s fingers brush through Nate's hair, guiding him wherever EJ wants him.

It’s pretty hot, and Nate starts to get turned on the more EJ does it. Then EJ rocks his hips, slow and almost hesitant, and Nate makes a sound, choked off into EJ’s mouth. It encourages him though, and pretty sure they’re moving together, grinding against each other until they’re both breathing hard.

“You —” EJ starts, but it’s cut off when Nate presses a hand against his dick. He rubs him through his jeans and then slips his hand into them when that feels like too little.

EJ’s not so much kissing Nate now as breathing into his neck, and it tickles but it also has nearly all of Nate’s blood rushing to his dick. His hand gets all messy when EJ comes, but it’s worth it for the sound EJ makes against Nate’s skin.

EJ leans back to ksis Nate after, and then he’s climbing off him, pushing Nate back until he’s lying on the couch with EJ between his legs. EJ sucks him off like that, and it’s even better than the first time. He’s touching Nate wherever he can reach, and his mouth is wet and his hair really soft when Nate runs his other hand through it.

He swallows again when Nate comes, and that’s just as hot as the first time. Nate pulls him up after, sits up to he can kiss him and kiss properly, his tongue slipping between EJ’s lips to taste himself there.

“Fuck, that was good,” Nate says.

“Learned from the best,” EJ says. His voice is rough and his cheeks red.

“Shut up,” Nate tells him, and kisses him again.

+

It keeps happening like that. Sometimes EJ will suggest it and other times it’ll be Nate, but after a while Nate loses count of how many times they’ve been together. Sometimes it’s sex and others it’s makeouts that don’t go anywhere, and Nate likes those too.

Nate likes EJ, period. It’s kind of scary to think about, because EJ is EJ but also he’s — unattainable, in Nate’s mind. He’s always been, with his easy smiles and his pointed jokes and his nice hair.

EJ’s always felt just out of Nate’s reach but that’s not the case now. Now, Nate gets to see EJ flush and makes him breathe hard and lean into Nate, and that gives Nate the impression that EJ, well — he’s right within Nate’s reach.

In a way, that’s even scarier.

+

EJ holds a team BBQ once the weather is good enough for it. He has this huge grill that he never uses, he says, and team BBQs are a good opportunity to get his money out of it. He and Tyson man the grill and Nate brings the potato salad his mom told him how to make.

Gabe keeps heckling EJ that “The hot dogs really don’t need to grill for that long, EJ,” which has EJ nudging him out of the way and proclaiming himself the Grill Master.

“Hey!” Tyson demands. “I did the hamburgers,” he explains.

“Fine,” EJ concedes. He points his tongs at Tyson and snaps them once. “Honorary grill master and grill master,” he says, gesturing to himself.

Tyson seems satisfied enough with that, though by the time they turn their attention back to the grill the hat dogs look well on their way roasted. EJ still makes them eat them because, “That’s what you deserve for doubting my skills.”

Nate shakes his head but eats one, and then another one because the guys keep calling him dogg and he feels like that’s a brand he needs to live up to.

The guys start trickling out once it start getting chillier. “Cowards,” EJ calls after Mikko and Z, but he’s put on a hoodie and he’s smiling, so there’s not heat to it.

Nate feels bad about the mess so Gabe and he stick around to clean up a bit. Tyson stays too, but Nate thinks he ate too much because he’s just sitting on EJ’s deck, feet propped up on the rails as he gives them orders along the lines of, “Bring me a soda, Gabriel,” and, “Make sure to stack the dishes in the dishwasher properly.”

Gabe rolls his eyes but he’s used to Tyson by now. He brings him a soda and asks, “What do you even know about dishwasher stacking anyway?”

Tyson huffs. “More than you, apparently,” he says, and it pretty much goes downhill from there, the two of them bickering at each other about dish stacking while Nate and EJ stack the actual dishes.

“Today was nice,” Nate finds himself saying. He rinses out another glass and puts it in the dishwasher. “But you should have gotten plastic plates.”

EJ laughs. “Tell me about it,” he says. He looks at the stack of dishes in the two sinks and makes a face. “Bunch of slobs.”

Nate huffs. “Sounds right,” he says. He puts a few more beer glasses in the dishwasher and calls it full. “Do you have any tablets?”

“Yeah, I —” EJ cuts himself off and moves to lean in, and for a second Nate thinks he’s about to kiss him. It’s a pleasant thought, mixed in with apprehensiveness because he can hear Gabe and Tyson from outside, but it’s also gone before it’s fully formed because EJ was just reaching for the dishwasher tablets.

“Oh, sorry,” Nate says. He thinks he’s blushing, which is great because now EJ is looking at him like he just realized what happened.

EJ’s eyes widen and then he has this moment where he looks thoughtful. He looks out the kitchen window at the porch, at Gabe and Tyson who’re still there, and drags Nate a bit closer by the hem of his shirt. Kisses him, right there.

It’s brief, close-mouthed, but very much there. Enough to have Nate taking in a sharp breath, trying to follow EJ’s lips once he pulls away.

“Stay a little?” EJ asks him, which —

“Yeah,” Nate says. “Need to help you with the dishwashing anyway.” He shrugs.

EJ smiles. “I’m gonna go get these two out of here.”

EJ eads back outside where Gabe and Tyson are still at it, though Nate thinks it’s a different topic now. “Alright,” EJ tells them. “Gabe, take him home, and then take yourself home.”

“Hey,” Gabe goes, at the same time as Tyson says, “We were helping.”

EJ makes this snorting sound. “Nate will stick around,” he says. “You two are near useless.”

“Do you like Nate more now, is that it?” Tyson asks, but he’s getting up, soda still in hand.

“Yeah, I like him more,” EJ admits jokingly. Nate smiles.

“That’s rough, Erik,” Tyson says, mock hurt. “I thought we were friends. Grill Masters. The shit.”

Nate rolls his eyes. He tells them goodbye when they come through the kitchen where he’s rinsing the plates and ignores the Look Tyson gives him. EJ shows them out and them comes to help Nate, soaping up the dishes after Nate’s ran them under the tap.

They get a good system going, manage to get through half the dishes before EJ says they’re taking a break. He grabs two beers and holds the porch door open for Nate. The lawn chairs are still out so they sit there, leaning back to what the sun set.

It’s nice — the sky and the beer and EJ — and Nate feels like he could close his eyes and drift if if it weren’t so cold. He puts his beer down and wraps his arms around himself trying to warm up, because he’s sure as hell not going to get up or interrupt this _now_.

EJ must be able to tell. He gets up and stands over Nate, grinning. “Scoot over,” he says.

At first Nate doesn’t even know what he means because the chairs really aren’t that big, but he does move to the edge a bit, enough that EJ can squish himself between the Nate and armrest. “You looked cold,” he explains.

It’s a tight fit, and a bit awkward at first, but none of that seems to matter after Nate wraps a tentative arm around EJ’s shoulders. EJ leans into, rests his head on Nate's shoulder, and their legs get tangled together, somehow. It’s pretty great.

Nate does drift now, just closes his eyes and pushes his nose into EJ’s hair. He doesn’t know how long for, but they feel heavy when he opens them again after EJ’s started shifting.

“Hey.” EJ starts getting up, slow. “We should get inside.” He offers Nate his hand, makes it look effortless too, and Nate takes it. Follows him inside and up the stairs, to his bedroom.

This is the first time he’s seeing it but he doesn’t pay much attention. His eyes are more focused on EJ, his shoulders and the muscles in his back as he pull off his hoodie.

EJ is hot on any given occasion but he’s even hotter like this, comfortable and half naked, walking over to Nate with this look on his face like he knows what he wants and is about to get it. Not for the first time, Nate realizes how he managed to have so much game with his front teeth missing.

He kisses EJ back, goes where he pushes, which is on EJ’s bed, laying back. Wraps arms around EJ when EJ joins him and pulls him close until there’s no closer to get. They stay like that, kissing and touching all over, and Nate can feel himself start to get hard, can feel EJ get there too.

It’s not urgent at all for him, and Nate thinks the same goes for EJ. Neither makes any move to get more naked, not until Nate’s lips are tingling, his cheeks feeling tender from EJ’s stubble. EJ does pull back then, just enough to rid them both of the rest of their clothes.

When they touch again it’s better, and Nate can feel his heart beating in his throat in a way that he hasn’t in a while. It’s a little scary but he pushes it to the back of his mind, focuses instead on the feeling of EJ’s fingers around him, his dick against Nate’s, when EJ reaches down to take them both in his hand.

EJ’s hand is wet with spit so wet enough for Nate to rock into it, rock against EJ and with him until they’re both breathing hard, EJ’s hand tight and warm. EJ comes first, getting Nate;s stomach all messy, and Nate couldn't care less.

He arches into it, and then watches, transfixed, as EJ runs his hand through it and starts jerking Nate off. Nate doesn’t last at all, comes too fast, face pressed into EJ’s neck and breath coming hard.

EJ runs fingers through Nate's hair. He pulls his head back and looks at his face, then leans down to kiss him. They lie together after, EJ’s fingers brushing through Nate’s hair, over his skin. Nate has his head on EJ’s chest and he can feel his heartbeat, strong against his ear, almost deafening.

“That was — nice,” EJ says. His voice is rough.

Nate opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He realizes, with a sudden sense of clarity, that he has no idea what he’s doing here. EJ’s arm is a heavy weight around Nate’s shoulders and Nate’s heart is beating so fast.

“Yeah,” he says. Starts getting up, slow, because he feels like he’s going to freak out and he doesn’t want to do it in front of EJ.

“You okay?” EJ asks, of course he does. He’s a good guy.

“Yeah, I —” Nate cuts himself off, takes a breath. His back is turned to EJ so it’s not as hard as he’d thought to say, “Guess we — I mean, you’re probably ready to go at it on your own, now.”

Nate can hardly believe his ears. He doesn’t why he said that except — this all feels too much, way too much, and all these things that Nate feels for EJ, he doesn’t know what to do with. He doesn’t even know what they’re doing here, doesn’t know what EJ wants except that it doesn’t match with what Nate wants.

EJ says nothing. For the longest moment he’s quiet and then he says, “What?” in this voice, so small and so not him that Nate doesn’t know what to do with.

He gets up and pulls on his pants, doesn’t bother with his socks. “I just mean, that’s what you wanted,” he says. Then tacks on, “Right?” for some reason.

Nate isn’t looking at EJ, not at first, but when he does, EJ’s face has turned stony. It’s not giving anything away, and Nate has a moment of intense panic, even worse than before. “Is that what you think?”

“I —” Nate doesn’t know what he thinks. EJ’s looking at him, expectant and demanding, and Nate has no idea what to say. He stays quiet like that long enough for EJ to huff.

“Go fuck yourself, Nate,” he says, gets up and goes into the bathroom. Shuts the door behind himself.

Nate stands there for a moment, dumb. He feels like he’s been slapped, doesn’t know how they got here. Then he picks his t-shirt up from the floor and leaves because what was he thinking in the first place.

+

Nate doesn’t even bother going home, just drives straight to Tyson’s. He has to wait three minutes for Tyson to come to the door and that’s only after Nate calls him and wakes him up from his power nap or whatever.

Tyson takes one look at Nate and winces. “Dude,” he says, dragging him inside.

Nate cried a little in the car — not much, but enough for Tyson to see it on his face, evidently. He lets Nate sink into his couch and then brings him ice cream, the low fat one that he always keep in stock for Nate. Nate pushes it away.

“Ouch,” Tyson says. “So it’s bad.” He sits down next to Nate and waits him out.

“EJ and I —” Nate starts, stops.

Tyson, to his credit, doesn’t say anything along the lines of _I knew it_. He doesn’t even raise his eyebrows.

“We hooked up,” Nate explains, goes on to tell Tyson in not so many words everything that’s gone down in the past few months. He tells him about the threesomes and the hook ups and how Nate _likes_ EJ but doesn’t think they’re looking for the same things.

Tyson listens, prompting Nate to go on when he gets stuck, but in the end he gets this pinched look on his face. He opens his mouth as if to say something but something on Nate’s face stops him. “Man, it really doesn’t sound like it,” he finally says, once Nate’s done talking.

Nate sighs. “He told me,” he says. “He told he doesn’t know how a relationship would work.”

And that seems to shut Tyson up pretty efficiently. He reaches out for the ice cream and shoves it in Nate’s hands. “Eat up.”

+

Nate’s expecting it, but it still feels a punch to the gut when EJ starts avoiding him. He’s normal in front of the guys if you don’t know what to look for, but Nate does. He notices the way EJ stops messing around with him or teasing or trying to goad him into compromising bets and more than anything he notices how EJ won’t even look at him.

It makes Nate feel like dirt.

It’s even worse when it spreads to Gabe. Nate had no illusions as to Gabe’s allegiance, but it still hurts when he Gabe gives him the cold shoulder. At first, anyway, and then it start to get on Nate’s nerves a little bit because they’re supposed to be a team and Gabe is playing favorites.

Nate confronts him about it a few days into it, once he feels brave enough for it. To Nate’s surprise, he doesn’t even have to say anything.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Gabe says, before Nate’s even gotten a word out.

Nate closes his mouth. “Uhm.”

“I’ll tone it down, man,” Gabe says. He’s not looking at Nate, instead focused on putting his bags in the car after they get off the plane.

Nate has no idea what to say. He’d had a whole speech planned out that he’s pretty sure would prove him right, but Nate feels even more like shit now. “Okay,” he says. Stands there for a moment with now idea how to keep it doing or if he should.

Gabe makes the decision for him. He huffs and shuts his trunk. Keeps his voice quiet as he says, “You really fucked this one up.”

Nate takes a step back, confused. “What?” he asks. He’s pretty sure he knows, but his heart is beating really hard. He squeezes his fingers around his car keys.

Gabe takes a breath. He looks a little red and his lips are tight. “Nothing,” he says, starting to turn away.

Nate reaches out and grabs his arm. “What are you talking about?”

Gabe looks at Nate like he’s being really dense right now. “Come on, Nate, you can’t —” he cuts himself off, breathes deeply. “You hurt him, okay?” he says, and Nate —

Nate takes a step back. His ears are ringing and he feels really uncomfortable. “I…” he tries and comes up with nothing. He looks away, away from Gabe and this pointed look that he’s giving Nate.

“He’s the one who told me to go fuck myself,”  he tries, but it’s weak and wrong and nothing like what Nate feels.

“You told him he should go screw other people,” Gabe argues.

Nate hears the words but he feels them too in the way his stomach gets all tight.

“What was he supposed to do?” Gabe continues.

Nate opens his mouth, closes it. He doesn’t know. Nate never wanted to hurt EJ; he just didn’t want EJ to hurt him. “Fuck,” he says, quiet.

Gabe huffs. When Nate looks up, his face looks even tighter than before. “Listen,” he starts, “I really — fuck, I shouldn't have said any of that, it really isn’t my place.” He sounds awkward in a way he rarely gets and Nate just feels — he feels like he fucked up.

“Yeah,” he says. It’s mostly so they can end this and Gabe can get going.

Gabe takes it like that, thankfully. He looks at Nate for a moment longer and then says, “See you tomorrow.”

“Sure,” Nate says. He watches gabe leave, his words still ringing in Nate’s ear in the most awful way. He remembers EJ’s face from two weeks ago, how it gave nothing away, and how EJ had shut himself in the bathroom. Remembers how EJ had squeezed into the lawn chair with Nate because Nate was cold.

Nate remembers a ton of things in the airport parking lot, enough to make up his mind.

+

Nate has made a decision, but it still takes him a few days to gather the courage to talk to EJ. He’s pretty sure EJ won’t be too welcoming and he’s not wrong. He doesn’t look happy that Nate showed up on his doorstep and he looks even less happy to have to let him in.

Nate knows EJ won’t hear too much of what he has to say and he doesn’t blame him for that. It just means Nate needs to make a good case for himself.

Still, when EJ says, “What do you want?” Nate’s words get stuck in his throat. He’s acutely aware that this is the only chance he’s going to get to explain himself and that’s tough; he doesn’t want to screw it up again.

But EJ is looking at him, standing across from him with his arms crossed over his chest, and Nate blurts out, “I’m sorry.”

He knows it won’t be enough, but he still deflates when EJ’s face hardly shifts. “I…” he starts again, stops. The next part is hard to admit but Nate doesn’t want to not even try. “I was scared,” he says.

EJ’s face does change then, just a bit but enough for Nate to notice. “And you think I wasn't?” he demands.

EJ’s voice is loud, clear, and Nate feels like he’s been punched again. He takes a breath. “I thought — I just thought you were in it for the sex and I didn’t want that,” he says, all in a rush. Then adds, “I don’t want that,” going out on a limb because EJ — he’s worth it.

It’s a sobering thought, enough to have Nate wanting to turn back time to that evening in EJ’s house. He knows he can’t though, and if he could he shouldn’t because the things he feels he can only put a name to now.

EJ’s eyebrows have shot up, just a bit. “I asked you on a date, Nate,” he says. “How’s that being into it for the sex?”

“I — that’s what you said,” Nate argues. His voice is quiet. “Back at the bar that night.”

Ej sighs, shoulder dropping with it. “Yeah, I — I was freaking out, and then you said that we could be fuckbuddies or whatever, and I didn’t want to scare you off,” he says. “Was I wrong?”

EJ still has this stony look on his face, when Nate turns to look at him, and Nate hates it. “I — No. Maybe, I don’t know.” He wants to be honest, but honesty should go all the way. “I liked you — still do,” Nate admits. “And I was just looking for an excuse.” The words make him feel raw so he turns away from EJ, looks at the floor instead.

Nate counts the moments in his head until EJ says something. He loses count.

“Me too,” EJ says then, finally, and Nate lets out a breath. “I liked you too.”

Nate looks up. He feels brave and EJ’s face has softened. “Do you still?” he asks.

There’s this moment and then EJ shakes his head. “You need to talk about your feelings more, Nate,” he says. It doesn’t answer Nate’s question, not really, except for how Nate feels like it does.

“I’m talking  about them right now,” he says.

EJ sighs. “Nate —”

“I mean, there’s room for improvement — for my feelings, I mean,” Nate manages to say. His heart is beating really hard and then it stops, it feels like, while he waits for EJ’s response.

EJ smiles. It’s small, but Nate lets out a breath. Takes one in, when EJ steps closer. “I’m open to suggestions,” he says.

“Yeah?” Nate asks. It comes out a little croaky but they’re standing really close, close enough that Nate has to look up to meet EJ’s eyes.

“Lesson one,” EJ says. He puts his hand on Nate hip, under his hoodie. Nate shivers, holds his breath as EJ leans in. “Ask me out,” he says, lips brushing Nate’s.

Nate’s eyes flutter shut. “Go out with me,” he says. It comes out certain where Nate still feels shaky.

Ej smiles. “Sure.” He leans in, and their lips touch, brief. Nate still feels lightheaded. EJ pulls back, just a little, and Nate reaches out and pulls him back in.

+

“Lesson two,” Nate says once morning, a few weeks later. EJ’s making oatmeal on his kitchen counter, and he jumps when Nate wraps his arms around him.

“Hm?” he says, a little confused.

“I love you,” Nate says. EJ huffs out a laugh, turns around in Nate's arms. He kisses Nate, and Nate’s heart is beating normally, for once.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed! i made a lot of this up but ej's karaoke song really is sweet caroline. also no i am not taking that sappy ass sunset watching scene back lmao
> 
> im on twitter @hearteyesmofo where i have avs related meltdowns!


End file.
